Stories

The other day I was covering some classes for an absent teacher. My first class were these two 5 year old kids who were tiny, smart and cute. There was a jar of sharpened pencils which I was using to mark their homework, which after I had finished using, I placed on the ground - next to me. Then I started to do some ABC flashcards. I put the cards on the ground - also next to me - without looking. Then I felt a strange sensation in one of my knuckles...I had whacked my hand into the pencil jar and stabbed myself with a 5cm pencil lead. As I raised my hand, a 20 cm long pencil was dangling out of it. All I could think of was - I've scarred these 5 year olds for life with this image. I felt sick, but smiled, ripped the pencil out (which left a clean hole) and continued flashing "B - buh! C - cuh! D - duh!" - the show must go on, right? I snuck a look at my hand - and it had started to pour with blood. The kids by this point were looking at me with concern - "daijobu, daijobu sensei?" (are you ok?) they asked. "Yes kids, daijobu" I smiled - when all I wanted to do was vomit at the sight of the blood (I'm really squeamish with things like blood and stabbing oneself). So now I have a lead dot tattoo on my hand. I'm a really good teacher.

It's a Thomas the Tank Engine train for grown ups!!! I raced and raced to try and get a pic of the Gordon cart, cos I hate Gordon. He's so ugly and grumpy - big wide faced git! Could only get Percy before the train departed.



Shoes contrast. I could make an album of shoes I see on the trains here. I love looking at them so much. Those are Gareth's Nikes in the foreground.



It's Sailor Jupiter!!


This was all I could manage before someone busted me for taking pics of a school girl. But I had to, I loved watching Sailor Moon. Sailor Jupiter was my fave.



This is a place called Hirakatashi. I liked the balloon in the sky.




And that's a crane in the river. Bad pic - I need to take my proper camera out with me more. I keep forgetting!!



Naoko and Duma. We went to a place called Harborland in Kobe. There's a cool little rink for kids to drive around in. I couldn't fit in the train...



An Anpanman car. Anpanman = Red Bean Bun Man.



A Baikinman car; that's "Germ Man". He's pretty angry!



A GIANT Mario bouncy castle!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna go in!!



A cool robot toy. I wish I had a sweet playground like this when I was growing up.



This is Erica.



She can do this. She's another Kiwi and a friend. She rules.



And finally, a crow on a ball. I was for the first time afraid of a bird seeing this guy. He was pretty close. I'm always concerned they're gonna swoop down and pluck out my eyeballs.

Gaijin SMASH

I've given up trying to fit into Japan. At all times I'm aware of being watched, noticed and judged. And I realised after reading a book called the "Blue Eyed Salaryman" - a story about an Irish guy who made it into Mitsubishi and became a life employee - that even if I DID understand the culture and language completely, I'd never fit in anyway!! I think foreigners make up 3% of the population, so it kind of figures that the foreign are noticed - particularly the large girl with the mushroom cut stomping around in Doc Martens.

Now that I've had this realisation though, I'm making like the Hulk and Gaijin Smashing at every opportunity!

Basically, Gaijin Smashing is the wilful breaking of Japanese rules (perhaps unspoken or assumed) by one who is not Japanese. Gaijin - it means literally "outside person" = gai/outside, jin/person. The Japanese are Nihonjin.

So when I'm eating an apple (skin ON), crossing the road at a red light, pushing back on the train and blowing my nose in public, I'm enjoying it! It's like being given permission to be dumb. In fact, it's expected!

Recently, Gareth, Mirabel and I went to USJ. I don't think we Gaijin Smashed it (much) but we had good times in this dated land of madness. It was January, but they were still blaring Christmas Carols. One of the attractions was "Backdraft - the Movie". Interviews conducted with the stars and directors were overdubbed in Japanese. It was surreal and hilarious. Other rides we went on were Spiderman, Terminator 2, Peppermint Patties waterslide (the crappest thing I've ever done - a 30 minute wait to slide down in freezing water for 2 minutes), Jaws, Jurassic Park , Back to the Future and Hollywood Dream - an epic rollercoaster which had me screaming, holding my breath, blocking my ears and squeezing my eyes shut all at the same time.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but when I saw this Universal globe I almost cried...why? I think I was overwhelmed and surprised that I was there! When I was a kid, the thought of coming here was impossible. And suddenly, here I am in Japan, taking a train to "Universal City" and walking right in! I sound like I was born in Rwanda or something...

Perfectly manicured Hello Kitty's at the Hello Kitty Shop ^_^

This is when I knew things were gonna get good.

This is some sort of rapping, singing, break dancing Sesame Street "crew", bringing the message of fruit and vegetables to the tune of Can't Touch This.

I couldn't take my eyes off this Cookie Monster veritable midget. He was moving way too fast for my liking. Cookie Monster is FAT and FULL, he can't move with the speed of lightening!!

I resisted the urge to rush up to Big Bird - who kept looking at me - and doing something...not sure what exactly.

Laters homies.

Some stuff from JURASSIC PARK - the actual gate and cars!!!

And that's about it. I was a bit lazy with taking pics. But overall - it was an pricey experience that I enjoyed; but I don't need to go back there probably ever again.

We had fun desu

I spent my new years period with Gareth, Mirabel, Sarah and Japan. We had so much fun doing stuff like partying, eating, seeing stuff, playing Nintendo and hanging. New Years Eve was spent making cocktails with many types of alcohol including an Irish tonic called "Buckfast", predicting fortunes and going to a countdown party followed by karaoke. We somehow ended up coming home at 5.30am.

Time flies when you're having fun desu!

Putting our shoes back on in the agari kamachi (or what is the area called where you take on and off your shoes anyone?) I really hate doing this because I'm lazy.

Waiting in the lift for me to stop effing about.

I took a photo of Gareth taking a photo of us - lol!

This is one of my all time favourite photos - The Super Mario Brothers "duck jump". If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry. And if you do, hilarious right??

Just so happy about life in general!!

HAPPY...

...NEW YEAR!!!

YAY!!!

YAY!!!

YAY!!!

uh - YAY!!!

It's Daisuke!!! He just kept being there whenever I turned around so he got his photo taken. And now he's seared into my long term memory banks.

Desperately Seeking Dianne Keaton.



Sarah-san made some pals.



Making a public spectacle of myself on the dfloor.



I got accosted by some people who didn't believe my hair was real.
We're having fun desu.



Can I take your coat?



Can WE take your coat?



Umm...things go a bit blurry here.



The combini where I think we spent an hour or so. I asked the guy in the background what he studied. "Raw" he said. I looked at him like what the hell did you just say? Sarah kindly translated for me - "law". I'm an idiot.



WE WANT EVERYTHING



Sarahs impression of a salaryman.



Umm...



Oh, hai! Fancy meeting you here.



Dunno - let's just go to Karaoke already...



Singing something grand.



These two were singing some R Kelly beautifully.